i'm not going to review the story or plot, because i find it incredibly bad to begin with (Serious drama + MMORPG's do not mix well)
The animation was just as lazy as the other episodes. the majority of the lip-syncing was just looping frames. The Backgrounds were just basic shapes with heavy gradiant use, which looks lazy as well.
Constant text font change made it incredibly hard to read, it's not even necessary, the voicing is clear enough to not need it, but it's to go with the MMORPG feel, alright, but not every character need their own unique(?) text font. And eye-wrenching color use made my eyes hurt (that green ring the monster used, and other moments).
One of my major (of many) problems with this episode is when Zetto and Alpha fight, you switched Zetto's hands constantly, i could understand if it was a one time mistake, but it happend EIGHT times, you should at least make the effort to fix something that's obviously wrong even if it means you have to upload the video on a later date.
One thing i will say looked nice was the tournment poster, BUT i couldn't read any of it soooo.....
Needs much improvement, please work on your quality. I don't want to hate this series but i feel it's incredibly lacking in many areas.
Please stop just pulling the first idea out of your head before making a video game parody. Don't just become a sellout, because that seems to be the path your heading towards and are already on. try some other jokes that aren't parodies. Be original, or use simple setups for jokes other people and shows use, there's nothing wrong with using a same joke as someone else just make sure you use it in a original manner.
other than that Twisted4000 pretty much summed up my thoughts.
- i played the game, and didn't make me laugh.
- work on keeping proportions right, even with if its a quick project. And especially with the simplest of shapes. doing a beginning, middle, and end frame first won't hurt you.
- don't use so many "what is this?" and "why?" jokes they drag on and get old fast.
i'm not trying to be a dick, but you keep making the same mistakes, and seem to allow your easily impressed audience and easily obtained awards to make you think it's alright to make badly written animations so long as that's what the common folk want and gets you views.
See this is actually something I agree with. HONESTLY, I do not think I deserve as many awards as I've gotten. I feel like people are way too easily pleased with my work on newgrounds.
I'm not going to pretend I put a ton of work into writing this because I really didn't. I just wanted to do a quick parody, similar to the way Ukinojoe does his parodies. It just ended up being a bit longer.
I appreciate the way you put your comment though. You didn't come off as being a dick, you came off as someone who had some good advice, but wasn't afraid to be a little harsh. I appreciate it, I really do. I'm still learning so It's all part of the process I suppose. I need to sign up for some art lessons. I've basically taught myself everything I know about drawing/animating, and I feel like some classes could really help me out.
But in my defense, I don't understand how it makes me a sellout to produce things that are generally received positively, that people like. It's not like I'm sitting at the computer and saying "i bet this'll make a shit load of money". If I wanted to do that, I would have made a minecraft cartoon or a CoD cartoon. I made a BOI cartoon because PERSONALLY, I love the game and wanted to make a quick parody of it. People have different senses of humor. I understand that this isn't your style. From a writing perspective, yes, I didn't work very hard on this. From an art perspective, the character is simple and I didn't do much to expand upon him. From an animation perspective, there were some size inconsistencies, but it's a hell of a lot better than my cartoons from a few months ago.
So yeah, I can see where you and twisted are coming from, but I also have to respectfully stand up for myself and say that I work pretty hard. I'm improving slowly but surely, so just give me some time. Hopefully at some point I'll make something you like.
still have problems with proportion and making them move smoothly. Better, but still very annoying.
The girl tits changes sizes about 5 times (huge, not as huge, small, huge, small).
the way you make them move with is like (o..o..o..o..o) when it should be more like (o.o...o...o.o), they move a little, then a big jump, then ease back in
the 10 second title cards you make have no effort in them, i guess they work but annoying as well, but for once try making a nice one.
although your animation in terms of movement is above average, and by average i mean what is normally uploaded on this site (1 - 2.5 star stuff), the simple plot of this is just awful. It shouldn't be hard to make an immature video about dicks and rape funny, but even you did that wrong. work on your writing, it doesn't matter if it looks good, if it's badly written the whole thing is bad.
I rated this helpful.
a few things:
1. The Title Card.The title card looks really lazy. i imagine you used PhotoShop or something. But it looks more like you just M.S. Paint-ed this. At least put minimal effort into a title card, instead of just chicken-starching lining with one single swipe of the pen to add color and shading.
2. The Animation. When they move they travel through hyper-space (they move really fast) to there next position instead of just easing to it slow and smoothly. Also when they move they grow and become deformed, draw a beginning, middle, and end pose, making sure they're all the same proportion, then do the in betweens. I've seen this same problem in all your movies.
3. Color And Shade (Now these aren't really that big of a deal). The color is really neon and hurts to look at, and the shade barely looks like shading, just make it a little darker. Oh (and this is a big deal), the shading proportions are really off as well. do a beginning, middle , and end position for those as well, then the in betweens.
You could make these LOOK good, just keep some rules in mind and redo / tweak stuff if you need to.
Your writing on the other hand, i find really boring and badly executed and timed. I am not a good writer by any means, but i go over things to make sure they at least make sense or entertain people enough.
The line could have been a cleaner and when mario yells at Luigi he want's that flag it sounded like you were forcing it and trying to be quiet, if you need him to yell, yell.
But you knew what you wanted to make a joke about and you added some nice exaggerations, but clean up your lines. (if you don't have a tablet, get one)
The animation was trying to be fluent, i see that, but it was messy and lacking in syching (making all the parts flow together) and spacing (how much you actually spaced your frames). From what i see you need to space your frames out more but keep the same time and distance traveled. It was also dis proportioned, try keeping the same size arms, legs, body, etc throughout the whole thing and try to adding a little more detail to show what's what, and not just a round shape for a foot or tubes for arms and legs.
The writing was bad. Don't just make dick jokes and what-is-this???? humor without proper execution. don't have him say "what is this armor?" when he can clearly tell it's armor. the Ending, after the dick-faggot joke (bad), was A simple and classic set up, but a little more emphasis could have been added to the sudden realization that there was a monster. I get it's suppose to be a immature humor and there's nothing wrong with that, but it need better story, a set up to execute the jokes, and a few twists and unexpected jokes wouldn't hurt as well.
You show influences from Spazkid and Oney, that's fine I'm influence by them as well, but don't take jokes they made and put them into your cartoon with only minor tweaks, like the masturbation scene. If you are going to make a reference joke, try making your own and not just a rip off, change the angle and movement he makes and add a little more purpose for why he's doing it.
You can do better, hopefully you will. But i say you should work on your writing the most so your stuff isn't just typical Newgrounds shit that's just forgotten a week later, make it original and well executed so people will remember it.
Your backgrounds had nice perspective and the voices were clear. But, the writing was really weak in both dialogue and punchline delivery, it didn't make much sense nor was it funny. The visuals were really generic and the colors were incredibly bland, try using some Analogous Color Schemes instead of just a darker shade of the same color. The animation, although clearly trying to be fluent, was badly proportioned when moving. Also, don't just draw random scribbles to try to add detail.
I'm not trying to be a mean or anything, but i hate seeing people time and time again use lazy and bland methods of animation, writing, detail, and color to make videos.
the sound and animation are a bit lacking, but the punchline was nicely done and funny.
the animation was nice and simple (not to be rude) and i think you got the point across to any Chinese (again, not to be rude).
This is from 2008, so i can't really say you could improve on things.
My skill is much better now!
newgrounds.com — Your #1 online entertainment & artist community! All your base are belong to us.